it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
