some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
