dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
