The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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