Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
