Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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