Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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