I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
