You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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