Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
