Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
