At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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