I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
