My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
