so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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