He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
