so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
