Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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