Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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