I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
