I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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