Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize