I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
