i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
