farters have to be the big spoon...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
