She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
