I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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