Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
