Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
being pregnant is like rehab
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
