New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
