That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
