Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
