I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize