I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
