Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
