still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
