you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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