You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
