when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize