The maid of honor just puked.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
