I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
