bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
