did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
