Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
