My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
