What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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