Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
