I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize