Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
