Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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