Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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