So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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