Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
