I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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