We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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