Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
