no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
