i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
