Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
