The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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