i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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