it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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