Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
