so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
