Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
