he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
